Hello everyone! Welcome to my new layout for 'PorchMonkey4Life'. To those that do not truly 'get it' or think that I am trying to make some sort of racial slur with reference to my blog name, chill. Seriously, this is just a reference to the Movie, Clerks2, and those that have not yet seen the movie, well, won't get it.

I am not in any way or form racist, just ask my closest friends and they will tell you.

I am going to post a little more behind the reason I chose this name for my blog later when I have had a chance to fiddle with the rest of the site.

In the meantime, just click 'Entry' or 'Archives' below to view the blog itself.

Cheers,

PM4L

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I'm a blah yearold blah. I live in blah. I like blah. I hate bla blabla. :P

write a short biogrphy here..

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Beans, beans, the musical fruit. The more you eat, the more you toot. The more you toot, the better you feel, so . . . Let's eat beans at EVERY MEAL!!

Summer Breeze

Depression, and a donut

No Longer The Girl Upstairs

photos? adoptions? song lyrics? anything you want here.. :)

Sunday, August 27, 2006
Here I sit, nearly three decades of life gone by, and I can honestly say that I don't ever remember a great amount of love in my life. I have been married twice, yes, and in their own respects I have loved both of my husbands, and they both have had theit faults and bonuses, but nothing like I dreamed it would be.

When I was a child I always dreamed of someone that would care for me, hold me, believe in me. I dreamed of a whirlwind romance and courtship filled with a spectacular proposal and then a wedding that fairy tales were written on. And now . . . . . . nothing.

I think now, closing on the final chapter of my second marriage, I have become quite jaded on the whole relationship thing. I do not know if I was ever meant to be happy or truly in love. I really do not know if there is anyone out there that is meant just for me. Someone that is exceptionally on my level, that knows where I am coming from and accepts me for who I am and refuses to try and change me.

Sometimes, admittedly, I find myself making a lot of insanely stupid life choices because of the fact that I have become accustomed to always having someone there in my life. Now that I am single, I really do not know if I am going to make it thru life without someone to care for me when I fall.

I hope that I find true happiness someday. For now, it seems, that every time I try to be happy, or to make a certain situation a good one, I seem to do something to fuck it up. *sighs*

Maybe I just not meant to be happy? Who knows.



posted @ 4:50 AM