Hello everyone! Welcome to my new layout for 'PorchMonkey4Life'. To those that do not truly 'get it' or think that I am trying to make
some sort of racial slur with reference to my blog name, chill. Seriously, this is just a reference to the Movie, Clerks2, and those that have not
yet seen the movie, well, won't get it.
I am not in any way or form racist, just ask my closest friends and they will tell you.
I am going to post a little more behind the reason I chose this name for my blog later when I have had a chance to fiddle with the rest of the site.
In the meantime, just click 'Entry' or 'Archives' below to view the blog itself.
Cheers,
PM4L
Write something like this..
I'm a blah yearold blah. I live in blah. I like blah. I hate bla blabla. :P
photos? adoptions? song lyrics? anything you want here.. :)
Monday, January 25, 2010
Now that I have regained/remembered this blog, maybe I will keep it up, maybe it will fall by the wayside of the countless other blogs and . . . bah who am I kidding, I probably wont come back to this one . . .
It's still cute though
posted @ 8:49 PM
Monday, September 04, 2006
Last nite I heard them croaking In the lake across fom my deck Echoing to me their pain
Tonite the silence cut thru me Like the knife's sharpest edge Now I am alone
I long for the bretheren cry The tortured song of those that know But in my search tonite I am lost As in life I shall forever be
posted @ 10:15 PM
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Here I sit, nearly three decades of life gone by, and I can honestly say that I don't ever remember a great amount of love in my life. I have been married twice, yes, and in their own respects I have loved both of my husbands, and they both have had theit faults and bonuses, but nothing like I dreamed it would be.
When I was a child I always dreamed of someone that would care for me, hold me, believe in me. I dreamed of a whirlwind romance and courtship filled with a spectacular proposal and then a wedding that fairy tales were written on. And now . . . . . . nothing.
I think now, closing on the final chapter of my second marriage, I have become quite jaded on the whole relationship thing. I do not know if I was ever meant to be happy or truly in love. I really do not know if there is anyone out there that is meant just for me. Someone that is exceptionally on my level, that knows where I am coming from and accepts me for who I am and refuses to try and change me.
Sometimes, admittedly, I find myself making a lot of insanely stupid life choices because of the fact that I have become accustomed to always having someone there in my life. Now that I am single, I really do not know if I am going to make it thru life without someone to care for me when I fall.
I hope that I find true happiness someday. For now, it seems, that every time I try to be happy, or to make a certain situation a good one, I seem to do something to fuck it up. *sighs*
Maybe I just not meant to be happy? Who knows.
posted @ 4:50 AM
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Summer Breeze
A gentle breeze blows
I close my eyes
Escaping, but for a moment
The frantic world around me
In childhood days I would sit
by the water
Wondering, dreaming, guessing what
the future had in mind
I remember wishing I could walk on water
Hoping I could fly
Now I sit in solitude
Many years have passed
Where is that little girl?
Lost, perhaps, but not forgotten . . .
. . . Yet.
posted @ 6:23 PM
Friday, August 04, 2006
My mood has been going up and down a lot lately and I am beginning to wonder if I am ever meant to be happy. Maybe I am, maybe I am not, but with the turn of recent events, I am beginning to think that its is more of the not.
I hate being so codependant. I might not be using the word in its correct form, but I mean that I hate feeling as if I need to have someone 'with' me to feel good about myself. The fact of the matter is that I have never been 'alone' in my entire adult life, and now that I find myself having to be totally self-sufficient . . . It really is hard.
Someone told me tonite, don't try to find love, let love find you. If I sit here, doing what I do, how is love supposed to find me? Maybe I should just give up on it totally. I crave attention, and I readily admit that, but I don't know how to cope with the lack thereof.
I think I need to go and work on some cards or something.
hmmm . . .
A donut would be nice.
Lovingly yours, PM4L
posted @ 8:20 PM
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Well, since I am technically no longer the girl upstairs, I have decided to just make a new blog. Eh, HOPEFULLY with something of more importance and value in this one.
*shhhh* between you and me, I wouldn't hold my breath. *looks shiftily*
Ahh where were we? Yeah, I am going to try and post more since I seem to have fallen back into that pit of shittiness . . .
